Lady D Speaks

I have been very blessed to be a stay at home mom, by choice, for the past few years. And again I have been given a choice once more.

Background: My husband works for a company that is considered small by today’s corporate standards. With only a dozen+ employees to its name. It has stood the test of times through all the economic ups and downs that took out many fortune 500 companies.

Recently, my husband heard that there could be an opening at his job, and he instantly thought of me. Years back we both worked together (for a large company) in the same industry as this one. So my husband knew first hand of my abilities and work ethic. So he brought the idea up to his boss of having me fill the position.

In most companies today having family, let alone spouses working together can be problematic. And in a company this size we’d be working very closely together; though responsible for different task. So when my husband called me on his lunch break excited about the possibilities I didn’t give it a second thought. I’ve been out of the workforce for about 6 years now. Who would hire me? But his boss was willing to give me a chance to interview and, after all, the hard work and sales pitching that I’m sure my husband did I couldn’t say no. I didn’t know if I was up for the job, but my competitive nature kicked in gear, and I was willing to try.

Preparing myself for the questions I may be asked and printing my resume was a given, but I was a little embarrassed when I looked in my closet. I didn’t have a single outfit fit for an interview. All my previous work clothes we seriously dated and didn’t comfortably fit my now curvier body. So though I normally like to shop this outing was a little more stressful…OK it was fun too. I mean as moms how often do we really get to shop for ourselves?

Now fast forwarding to the interview. I can say that I was more nervous than I may have wanted to admit. If I did poorly not only would I be embarrassed for myself, but also for my husband who suggested me. After interviewing, for what felt like hours but in fact was only 35 minutes, his boss offered me the position with the condition that my husband and I go home and discuss it. It was a thoughtful response many employers wouldn’t extend. My husband has been very open about our family life with his boss, and he too being a family man understood what a major change it would be for our us.

My husband was sold on the idea right away, but I was on the fence. I had loved being home with my children (even when I didn’t love being home with my children). I have seen them grow so much, and have been able to attend every field trip, meeting, and performance. Was I really ready to give that up? Was I a bad parent for even considering it when I didn’t ‘have’ to go back to work?

My husband reminded me of all the benefits. The biggest one was money but not for the reason you may think. With extra income, we’d be able to have all of our children return to a private school they once attend. We fall on tough times so we had to withdraw them, which was extremely heartbreaking for all of us. Once my husband reminded me of that, I really didn’t hear anything else. If sacrificing being at home would enable them to attend a wonderful school where they felt safe and were excited to learn, then it would be worth it.

Now I’m counting down my time left being at home full time. It has been an amazing, overwhelming, joyful, emotional time. I fill much of my days with getting my house in order and preparing our older kids for the change as well. And more importantly, I take a breath and enjoying being home. There have been days where I feel myself getting excited about getting out of the house, carrying on grown up conversations, dressing up, putting on makeup on a regular basis, and collecting a check. But then there are those days when I realize that I won’t be able to put my baby down for her naps, or pick my kids up from school. And knowing that I’ll miss some of their school events almost makes me NOT want to do it.

I’ve excepted the job in my head, it is just taking a little more time to get that message to my heart.

Since I’ve become a parent, I have realized that no matter what decision I make for myself or my family I will always wonder if it’s right. Even now, I hesitate sharing this new chapter in my life. Somehow posting it makes all of this real.

I think it’s fair to say that when a parent returns to the workforce they go through a grieving process. And it’s clear to me that I’m in denial. But nevertheless I will push on. Knowing that we’re not alone when facing a dilemma as parents is important, and sharing it can be very beneficial (especially for the person who shares it).