Well, hello New Year and hello disagreements. We haven’t gotten very far into this year, and my husband and I have already had a relatively significant disagreement. Our problem: I’m a planner, and he is a go with the flow kind of guy. Of course, this is oversimplifying things. But has a new year started it may have benefited us to plan the year together.
Going into this New Year, I have found myself energized. I am excited about all the possibilities this year will bring. And, of course, I have plans/hopes/dreams. A 2016 to do list that I want to see take place soon!! My list isn’t very long; it has only five items. But the reservations my husband has with my little list is how BIG some of the items are.
Now, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have brought these ideas up to my husband ‘all’ at once. I shouldn’t have expected him to feel as strongly about them as I do. This is something I’m continuously working on this. When God has planted a seed/calling in me my excitement seems to overflow. So I take off racing.
Many analogies have used running to describe marriage/life. They remind us that both should be treated as a marathon. So how can we successfully run this race you ask. We need to pray, prepare, and pace ourselves. While keeping in mind that even the best of us may still need to slow down and refuel along the way. So no matter which side you find yourself in a disagreement try to stop and consider these.
Pray
In my shoes: Knowing that my plans for the New Year would effect and involve my family, going to God for guidance after feeling His calling should have been my first step. Had I done that I wouldn’t have overwhelmed my husband, and therefore not felt disappointed when he didn’t response with an excited, “Let’s do this!” I should have been on my knees asking God to speak to my husband and reveal to him what he has to me. I should have asked God for patience and understanding for whatever my husband’s response was.
Spouse’s shoes: All of us have different things pressuring on our hearts. Asking God to help us balance between ours and our spouse’s goals is important. If the answer you’re going to give your spouse is one of disagreement, then ask the Lord how it can be said in a loving way. And explain why you feel God is pointing in a different direction. If you agree, make sure it is from God, and not simply your need to see your spouse happy no matter the cost. But if you have indeed concerned it then remember to go to God asking for His help, so you can continuously be supportive and understanding (especially when things get rough).
Prepare
In my shoes: We all have goals and dreams (I’d hope), and we know if one day we woke up and wanted to be a doctor, that that decision is just the beginning of our journey. So it is my job to try and see not only what God wants me to do this year, but also how. Spending more time preparing and planning how to accomplish each goal. Along with how to share those hopes.
Spouse’s shoes: Once you agree to move forward with your spouse’s plans/dreams. Which by the way should mean it’s yours too. It’s not that you will feel the same about it, but you are agreeing to actively participate in whatever ways are needed. Don’t second guess, undermine, or discourage. You don’t want to be the person who said yes, but in all your actions are truly saying no.
Pace
In my shoes: Like I said earlier, I am not an expert at this one. I just start running. But with that excitement we mustn’t forget to move at the speed that God has set. Identifying that will help us from burning out before you’ve reached the finish line, while also balancing our expectations (how much we have accomplished by what time).
Spouse’s shoes: Because you have joined alongside your spouse you may at times need to remind them about their pace. Whether it’s to slow down when it looks like their getting tunnel vision. Or you may need to be that encouraging word when their walk has become a crawl. Lead them back to God and what He has called the both of you to do.
Refuel
All shoes: As we’re racing along it’s good to slow down occasionally. Especially, when plans take longer than you expect, or you run into one too many road blocks. It is easy to consider turning around and heading back. Or maybe it’s when you look ahead and can’t see the end of the road. That moment can be frustrating and overwhelming. But if we remember that God is there every step of the way, then we can slow down (without worry) and enjoy to view.
But sometimes on our journey, we may need to stop in order to refuel and take a look around. We may notice that you’ve gotten a bit off track. Life has a way of distracting us sometimes. But don’t loss heart, go to God in prayer and get back on track. Your journey may continue toward the same goal you initially had, or it may take you somewhere entirely different.
My husband and I gave ourselves a time out. We thought about what each other said, and what it was we wish to share. Better prepared we revisited the subject, but this time, we didn’t just focus on my to do list. Instead, we discussed ‘our’ 2016 hopes together. And though everything isn’t iron out yet, I feel really good about the direction we’re heading.
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1
But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:4
Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6
Dear God, I pray that we look to this new year and see what it is that you wish us to do. Let the distractions, discouragements, and dismissals by a reminder to us that we are in fact on the right path. Thank you, Lord for the plans you have for us. May we bring you glory in all the things we do this year. -Amen