It’s hard being a mother sometimes, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Wild kids, their messes, and illness can make things crazy I believe the pressure and expectations we put on ourselves is what can push us over the edge. I’ve been a parent for a few years now and still find myself struggling with each of these daily.
1. Working outside of the home and feeling conflicted-going back to work isn’t a choice for many mothers, it’s a necessity. But even if you choose to return by choice all moms share the feeling of being torn. It’s easy to feel like you’re missing out on everything.
First, know this is normal. Our natural instinct is to protect our little ones and celebrate them. So seeing pictures of events you’re missing, or not being there to hold them when their hurt can be heartbreaking. But know that not only are you providing financially for your family, you are also showing them that a ‘mother’ can be many things. Your daily balancing act between work and home is a teaching tool for them. So though there maybe events you’re missing now, remember your hard work isn’t going unnoticed.
2. Being at SAHM and not feeling it-yes, you’re glad to be there for your child’s first, but there is isolation and frustration that comes with this 24/7 job.
As mother who has previously been a career woman this is an especially difficult time. Longing to return to work, and carry on an adult conversation can sound like a vacation. But this statement can be met with judgment from other SAHMs. Wanting to work outside the home doesn’t mean you don’t love your children.
Then there are those SAHMs who don’t want to go back to work, but are unhappy or disappointed with their home life because the reality doesn’t match the vision they had. Being a SAHM is hard, so try on enjoying your time with your little, while setting time aside for you and your spouse…and get some alone time too. As much as you’re caring for your child you need to make sure you’re doing the same for yourself.
3. Spending more time with one child over another-it’s a fact of life, some kids just require more time than others. Whether it’s due to health issues, behavioral, or school you many find yourself in this situation.
With multiple children you are continually jogging your time with everyone. A simple solution when you feel like you’ve had less time with one child is to acknowledge that. Older children (no matter what they may say) appreciate you notice them. So take just them out the next time you’re making a quick grocery run, fast food stop, whatever. You’ll be able to have time to talk to them and hear about their day. And if you’re like my family turn the radio way up a sing/scream along to your favorite songs together. Fitting one-on-one time in, no matter how uneventful it may seem, is so important.
4. Setting rules for your children that you end up changing-as a parent we have visions or ideals of how we think our life should be with our kids. So we say things like, Well my kids will never…then we have kids or run into that situation and we end up eating our words.
All parents make this mistake but it seems to stand out more so when first time parents do. I used to say that my kids would never have pacifiers. But for our Princess it helped her (and me) get through teething. I honestly can’t imagine what I would have done without it. There is nothing wrong with not wanting your kids to watch too much t.v. or drink soda, etc. Most parents have the best intentions when setting these initial rules. The problem is it leaves you no room to adapt when you discover our kids needs and individual personalities. Setting general rules, of course, keeps things from spinning out of control but don’t try to set a rule for every situation. See how your child reacts and go from there.
5. Not living up to your own standards-as mothers we have the same bad habit of boxing ourselves in with all the things we will/won’t do as a parent. And there is always that one family member or friend quick to point out how you aren’t living up to the high (and often times unrealistic) expectations you set for ourselves.
Now this can be a tricky one. Sometimes we don’t even realize the extra pressure we’re putting on ourselves. And with Pinterest and other media outlets out there showcasing what other mothers are doing we seem to start focusing on our own short comings. Listen, if you’re not a craft mom, then you’re not. Of course you still want your kids to have the ability to try new things, but play to your strength. As much as your looking at that other mother wishing you were more like her, there is a mother looking at you wishing the same thing.
6. Yelling at your kids-whether its to get their attention, correct a behavior, or simply because you’ve reached your breaking point there isn’t a parent I know that hasn’t yelled at their kid. And sometimes we may not realize how it might look until we get that judgmental look from a stranger at the store, or a comment from the in-laws that suggest we’re somehow damaging our child.
Of course yelling isn’t the best form of communication, but you’re human. If you catch yourself spending to much time yelling see what steps you can take to change that. I have told my kids that if their upstairs and I call for them they need to come downstairs to see what’s going on. I refuse to yell directions/instruction across the house. But there are still going to be those moments when you’re trying to solve a disagreement between two kids, while one is singing at the top of their lungs, and another is crying because they’ve dropped a toy…and then you yell. Life with kids can be crazy, and sometimes raising your voice is needed. So don’t be hard on yourself when that stupid lady across the aisle looks at you. She doesn’t know what you’re dealing with…just don’t allow it to be the only way you interact with your kids.
7. Not having the funds to do the fun stuff-there are so many things our kids can be apart of; sports, crafts, performing arts, academic activities. Real the list is endless. So nothing feels worst then not being about to provide those extras for your child.
Money always seems to be an issue now at days. And the more kids you have the harder it is to come by. You budget and save, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like enough. Identify what activities your kids can skip, the ones they are dying to be a part of, and what crafty/inexpensive things you can do to fill in the gaps. No kid has ever died from not being able to be in every sport/club so don’t beat yourselves up. I have seen kids that were involved in activities up to their eyeballs, and they weren’t any happier/healthier then my kids. If anything they sometimes appeared overwhelmed and just going through the motions. So remember more isn’t always better.