What’s the scariest thing about this season…dealing with middle school kids. Haha OK maybe its not that bad. This year we had our first child enter middle school, and it has truly been a crash course experience. He is a quick study but has always been a bit of a social butterfly. But in no way did we think we’d be getting as many calls home has we have gotten (and school only started at the end of August). His grades have also slowly started to decline, and his ‘need’ to talk has become so disruptive in class that he has actually served detention for it. So like any parent, I went online looking for possible advice, I turned to family/friends, and even read some of those super chessy parenting books. From everything I’ve heard, seen and learned these seven issues are the most common struggles facing our middle school kids.
1. Disorganization: Middle School is a whole new world for our kids now. Teachers don’t have the time to do the one on one with each student. So double or triple checking to see if they wrote down their homework, turned in assignments, etc. can’t be done (and that’s completely understandable). Students at this level are expected to step up.
What you can do: Getting binder dividers, and labeling/color coding folders may be just the thing they need. Having a specific place where everything goes will help reduce the chances of assignments getting lost. But for other kids you may find that checking their backpack with them each and everyday is necessary. Of course, this isn’t something you want to have to do long term. If your child is struggling in this area doing this check together will be beneficial. Knowing you’re going to being checking up may keep them on their toes. But if your kid is like mine and their backpack continues to be a mess, then have them clean it out each night. I’ve told my son if he just kept it organized at school then he wouldn’t have to waste his time doing it at home.
2. Talking to much. For outgoing kids, this seems to be a battle they have to fight (with themselves) every year. And for them, losing recess in this transition can explain the increase in socializing during class time.
What you can do: If possible allow your child to walk to and from school. That will provide them with extra time to interact with their friends. But if that doesn’t help, or isn’t possible have your child get involved in school activities or sports. That will provide them with an outlet for their energy, and hopefully be a motivator for maintaining good grades and improving behavior.
3. Not speaking up. This may sound like a contradiction, but this is, in fact, a separate issue. Whether your child is outing or shy they all have a tendency to have trouble asking for help at one time or another. It can be for fear of being made fun of by their peers or their worried about possibly being scolded by the teacher.
What you can do: Talk to their teacher(s). Let them know what areas your child is having difficult in (subject, or assignment). Then empower your child. Let them know that the questions they have are probably shared by their classmates. One on one tutoring may also be helpful. They might be more comfortable asking questions in a smaller group setting. And the more confident they feel, the more likely they are to speak up. So encourage them.
4. Dealing with bullies. This is an ugly topic, and with social media our children have to deal with this in ways we never did. A child who is dealing with being bullied can find it hard to stay focus or on task. Their stress levels cloud their ability to process new information. Their ‘school’ life becomes more about surviving and getting throw the day.
What you can do: Reach out to the school. If there is a specific kid or group making your kids life hell then someone needs to know about it. With campaigns against bullying in the news, schools take these situations much more seriously. Also talk to your child about the situation. Share with them your own (or what you’d witness) when you were their age. Provide them with ways to deal with, avoid, and counter these situations. But, above all, listen. Bullying can damage a child’s self esteem, so but there for them.
5. Trying to fit in. Popularity and being excepted is very important to them. And if we’re honest that never goes away completely even in adulthood. The problem is when they chose to please the ‘crowd’ over being true to themselves. Not joining a club or activity that they loved because their friends may not approve. In some cases their grades can even start to decline because their more concern with what they look like, and what others think rather than what they’re learning.
What you can do: Compliment them more on their accomplishments and behavior than their appearance. And modern that in your own life. I’ve told my kids that for every minute I spend in the mirror or planning what I should wear I need to spend twice that amount on building my character. (Remember there’s nothing wrong with wanting to fit in, the problem is at what cost). Remind your child that they can’t please everyone. So then why not do, wear, and play what they love. That kind of confidents draws people in and then they can be excepted on their terms.
6. Over scheduled. Your child is getting use to moving from class to class, and from teacher to teacher. They’re trying to learn from very different teaching styles in an always changing environment. Their adjusting to having to dress out for P.E. (which is more stressful to some than others). Then if you add on clubs, events, and sports their involved in you can see how quickly their day can fill up. Something often has to give.
What you can do: Offend times as parents we want our kids to be involved in as many things as possible. It could be to keep them out of trouble, or just because we want them to experience it all. But not all kids can handle the pressure of a busy schedule. If your child is struggling cut back (or out completely) the extra activities your kids can do without. Reassure them that they haven’t done anything wrong, you just want them to be able to enjoy themselves and each experience rather then just rushing from place to place. If you find that doing ‘any’ activities during the school year interferes with their performance, then allow summers to be the time that they can enjoy all the extracurricular activities.
7. Changing hormones. This is an obvious, yet not so obvious one. We all know their going through physical changes, but don’t always remember that that sometimes effects their mood and personality in general. Developing sooner or later then their peers can effect their self esteem. Break outs, being too tall or short, being full figured or slim can be like a target on their back. No matter what they say, at this stage they don’t want to stand out.
What you can do: Remember for a moment what it was like when you were their age, then times that by ten, because of social media press. That’s what our kids are facing daily. If your child is breaking out help them get the products they need and teach them about personal grooming. If their insecure about their body then teach them how to dress for their body type. Encourage them to embrace what makes them different. And when their just having a bad day give them some space. I let my kiddos know that its OK to be mad, frustrated, or sad for seemingly no reason…but its not a license to be disrespectful.
Don’t be frustrated if you don’t see results immediately. Some kids need more time, encouragement, and reinforcement than others. Even when my husband and I think we have a problem or issue resolved it can pop up again. Which cause us to rethink our parenting strategies, while trying not to pull out our hair. The point is to show your kids consistence while having an open line of communication. Let them know that you’re there to support them, but that they have to take responsibility for yourself and their school performance. So take a breathe, because this is just the beginning of a much bigger journey that both of you are on.