Earlier this month I heard of a story about a Chinese boy who cut off his hand because he was sick of his addiction to the internet. My first thought was, WOW!!! I mean that is a pretty extreme reaction, right? But then it got me thinking, how many of us are controlled, handled back, or just pale miserable from things we should ‘cut’ out of our life?
Of course, I am not saying that we should go to the extremes like this young man, but think about it. We far too often let the bad things in our life stick around and fight the good. This can range from our attitude and outlook on life, to relationships, and so forth.
Sometimes, we know exactly what the source of our unhappiness is but when in doubt there are some steps you can take that are simple and change your life.
Identify
A doctor can’t help you let alone cure you without knowing what it is you have. So why do we expect things to change for the better when we don’t even know what it is that’s the problem? If you have a blind spot to the thing(s) that are keeping you from a happier life, know it’s not hopeless. Put on your detective hat and start searching. Ask the people closest to you what they think it might be. We may not realize it but when we vent and complain to our loved ones there is a pattern. We maybe to close to see the picture we have painted, but their not. If you hear a particular topic, person, etc. popping up then you may have just discovered your answer.
But if you find that you’re the kind of person who keeps bad news or hardships to yourself then you’ll need to do some real soul searching. Making a pro/con list (relationships, career, education, finances, kids, health, etc.) is an old stand which I have done myself on a number of occasions and it has been very useful. I know this may sound elementary but visualization helps us more easily put things in categories so we can prioritize them.
Acceptance
For some, this can be a difficult area. Whether the issue was quickly realized (i.e. poor spending habits) or if it took time to discover once it is out there our acceptance of it is key to our success. What I mean by acceptance isn’t that we justify the behavior or past choice, but that we accept that it is a problem. Feelings of embarrassment, shame, or frustration are normal, but they can leave us standing in quicksand if we do nothing about it. Denial is also an enemy here. All of us have had a friend (or maybe been the friend) who was in a miserable relationship but continued to stay. Of course, there are many complicated reasons why this may happen but denial is usually written in big, black, bold letters. Admitting what the problem is isn’t admitting defend. It is, in fact, the opposite. Acceptance means we now are ready to fight (so to speak). And it’s OK to be sad or conflicted about making a change as long as we know we need to, and have a plan.
Act
Now knowing what the problem is is one thing, but it’s entirely useless if we do nothing with that knowledge. It’s like having a brand new car and never driving it. If your dead end job is the problem then undoubtedly you’ll need to step out of your comfort zone. Submitting your resume is one thing, but interviewing maybe where you put on the brakes. Remember a half action is no action.
I’ve known too many friends who have sold themselves short because of the fear of rejection, or simply underestimating their abilities. We’re always telling kids that ‘they wouldn’t know unless they try,’ but somehow we’ve become more fearful as adults not taking our own advise. Yes, there are going to be things in life that we’ll inevitably fail at, and that’s OK. It is a fact of life so we need to stop running from it. So don’t let failure have the last word, turn it into a learning opportunity. Because if there is something controlling you, handling you back, or just pale making you miserable isn’t it worth it to try to cut out?
You deserve to be happy. So turn away from your old ways of thinking, acting, or living. It can be the refreshing change you need to turn things around.
Personally, I know my worrying has held me back from taking chances in life. And my need to control things has had me miss out on moments because I was too busy trying to perfect them. These are challenges I work on daily. An though I can’t say I’m 100% changed each day I take a step forward to freeing myself from these behaviors.
So I want to ask you, is there something in your life you need to cut out?
