Lady D Speaks

When my husband and I were first asked to be godparents we both felt very honored. We didn’t hesitate to say yes because we have very similar beliefs, and ideas on parenting as my cousin and her husband do. We didn’t have children at the time and didn’t even beginning to consider all the things they had to think of and discuss as a couple before finally approached us.

Traditionally, the role of a godparent was to sponsor a child upon the parent’s request and take part in their baptism. In some cultures (for instants Hispanics) godparents would also be responsible for paying for certain major events in that child’s life (i.e. quinceañera or wedding). Today, the role of godparent varies greatly. Some chose to continue in the footsteps of the old traditions while others view this role as a way to include a friend as part of the family structure without any specific requirements being expected of them.

Since there are no set standards or guidelines to follow I believe, all parents should carefully consider what being a godparent means to them. Knowing what is important to you (parents), and making sure that you convey those expectations clearly. Because every parent wants to feel like their kids have the best godparents.

 

Things to consider when choosing godparents:

1. Does the person have to be a family member?

2. Do they need to share the same beliefs and/or values as your family?

3. Do they have to be married?

4. What is their role?

5. Will they be godparents to all your children?

 

Here’s my take on the above five questions to consider.

(#1) I do believe that there are benefits to having godparents who are also family members. They are already part of your family dynamic and have the advantage of having been a part of your life since you were young. They will be able to share memories and family traditions first hand.

Of course, I don’t think friends are bad candidates as godparents. But do consider how long, and how well you know them. Can you truly see them being in your (and therefore your child’s) life ‘forever?’ Will they become and extension of your family easily, or will there be awkwardness/difficulty?

(#2) This one is a very personal question that only you and your spouse can answer. For me, I do think that having the same beliefs is not only important, but requested. If my husband and I were no longer around I’d want to know that our children would be brought up following the values, we had. If you agree with me on this point then do also keep in mind that even though two people can believe in the same things they may have completely different ways of showing/expressing it. So remember that no one is going to be, think, or act exactly like you. If, however, you don’t agree and chose someone with a different belief system then remember that that will have some impact or influence on your child’s life.

(#3) If you chose, for example, your best friend as godmother and she is married then it is expected that her husband will be the godfather. I don’t have to go into why it’s important that you have a good relationship with ‘both.’ So if you can’t stand her husband, then she may not be the right chose.

If you decide to go the less traditional route and chose a single person as ‘godmother’ then the ‘godfather’ should be single too. It would be a little uncomfortable to ask a ‘married’ friend to be a godparent with someone other than their spouse. But that may become the case if either gets married in the future.

Again, I’m a little traditional (if you can’t tell). I’d chose a family member (or surprise close friend) who was married, and yes their spouse would be the other godparent. My reason for that is simple. I would want my children surrounded by adults who (in their own way) model a similar lifestyle as my husband, and I do.

(#4) Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. If you only want someone who comes around on special occasions and otherwise lives their life then don’t pick someone who may want to be ‘more’ involved. The same goes for wanted a godparent who is around for every little moment. It may not be wise to then chose someone who does not live close by, or has a very demanding career/family of their own. They may not understand why missing out on the ‘little moments’ is a big deal to you. And in the long run that can ruin a friendship. Make sure you know what you want for them, and make sure to express that clearly when asking.

My husband and I know that our responsibility as godparents is to be present as much as possible. And we do so gladly because we see our godchild as being like our own. Whether its in rewarding or disciplining, we are like a second set of parents to them. And if the unthinkable were to happen to my cousin and her husband, then there is no question that the children would come and live with us.

(#5) If you have different godparents for each child remember that not all godparents are created equal. One set of cousins of mine (who are siblings) all had different godparents. They remembered how only one of them had ‘good’ godparents. One set was never around for anything, while another set was only around for a few birthdays, and the occasional Christmas, but they weren’t close to the child that they were godparents over. The ‘good’ godparents in their eyes were the ones who never missed a birthday and spent time with all of them. As kids, they all secretly called those godparents theirs. Again playing devils advocate I can see how having different godparents can be a positive thing. That would mean having more people in your life who love, support, and on occasion help with your children. Their different strengthens can be a great benefit for your children to see and learn from.

If you have the same godparents for all your children, it may be overwhelming for them (the godparents). They may not be able to spend an equal amount of time with each child. And there may also be some jealousy or resentment from other family/friends who weren’t chosen. The flip side to that is when their around to support or celebrate one child they get to see/visit/spend time with them all. Being godparents to all the children would definitely make them a part of that family. And your children won’t have to score as my cousins did, comparing godparents to see who won and who lost.

My husband and I are the proud godparents of two amazing children (and yes; they are brother and sister). We found it as being a double honor. We don’t worry if we’ve bought a few more gifts for one than the other, which we may have if we were only godparents to one. Because we know we aren’t treating them differently, and they see that we love them equally. And I do believe it is a comfort to my cousin to only have one set of godparents to send updates to, visit with, make special arrangements for, and send out Christmas cards too.