Once you become a parent, there is one guaranteed question you’ll be asked, Are you going to have anymore? Now that’s any innocent question, but the followup questions get under my skin. So are you hoping your next one is a…(whatever the option gender is of your current child/ren)? I have been guilty of asking this question before, and I stop to think back as to why?
What has our society taught us that makes us think that having a child of each gender is more fulfilling then the latter? Parents of all boys/girls are consistently told how much they’re missing out. But think about it, there’s no perfect number of kids to have let alone genders. If you only have one child, you’ll be missing out on witnessing a sibling bond, but if you have multiple children you’ll miss out on exclusive one-on-one time. To some having girls is all about playing dress up and having tea parties. And having boys means your days are filled with sports and rough housing. But shame on us for painting our children into these stereotypes.
But parents with all boys/girls aren’t alone when dealing with questions, looks, or judgement about their family structure. We have one boy, and three girls, and we even get our fair share of comments which imply that our gender ratio is problematic. But if I were to describe all of my children using gender neutral types you’d be hard pressed to point out which o
ne was describing my son. Boys can be sensitivity and girls can be tough. We all can agree on this point yet we continue to make other families feel that their structure is somehow lacking.
With only one son peoples response is to feel sorry for our boy being surrounded by nothing but girls; this offends me. If anything, I think he will greatly benefit. Based on what my husband and I have taught him, and from what he will see and learn from his sisters experiences he’ll have a unique insight. Of course, I understand the importance of him having ‘guy time’ and the same can be said for him needing time with kids his own age (he is the oldest). But the fact that he is in a household primarily female dominated is in no way a disadvantage nor is it a deficit to his development.
Then there are others who focus on the fact that we have three girls. The lovely comment my husband hears most often is, oh I feel sorry for you. Really? Yes, there are specific things that girls go through so we’ll have that three fold, but in no way does that mean we’re doomed. But girls are so much drama, one woman from my husband’s job once said to me. And to that I said, you must not have any sons? Boys are not exempt from drama, so why do we act as if girls corner the market when it comes to emotions or problems. All of our girls are ‘girly’ in their own way, but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that they are brave, intelligent and have no problem playing rough or getting dirty. So what do all of these labels really means?
If you raise your children to be well rounded individuals, then you’ll see a little bit of everything…the good and the bad. So the next time you want to ask that mother/father with all boys if their going to try for a girl, stop yourself. There is no right or wrong, better or worse gender. And as parents if you ever feel the need to defend or example why your family structure is just fine, then remember to do so without bring up all the things you’re glad you won’t have to deal with. Unknowingly, you’ll be putting someones family structure down. Being parents and having a family isn’t about winning some prize. It’s about raising happy and healthy children who never question if they’re loved. So enjoy and except your unique family structure and dynamic even if it’s different then you thought it would be.
As for me I know the next time someone has something snazzy to say, which someone will, I’ll be ready. When I hear oh your poor son, or wow you’ll have three times the drama, I’ll simply smile (and bite my tongue) and say, yup I’m pretty lucky. Then I’ll walk away as they stand there confused, because when it comes down to it, you don’t have to explain anything to anyone.